Good Tuesday Morning Coffee to everyone. Life is good. Thank God for another week. I hope everyone is well and are doing fine. As for me I am grateful for another day. So if you are ready for some more encouraging conversation then lets jump right into it.
The struggle is real.
If there is one thing that I can testify about, it is the struggles that come with being a single parent. There are so many aspects of this that I and many other single parents can write many books about it. When I first found out I was pregnant I was already 4 months and preparing to go to Iraq in two weeks. Of course I found out just in time which my pregnacy was truly as blessing. The moment I recieve the results from the doctor I was so happy and I am still happy. When I finally gave birth and meet her it was one of greatest days of my life. Truly being a parent is a blessing but then there are those moments where I felt lonely because I wanted be married. Then there are those times when I wanted to be a stay at home mother but I could not because I had no other choice but to work. These are just a couple of the many struggles that I faced as a single parent.
Wanting to be married.
One of my greatest desires was that I desperately wanted to be married. I wanted to be married so bad that my standards were so low. During my desperate years I never really thought about the character of the person, if they had a real relationship with Jesus, or even if they would be a good male role model in my daughter’s life. Years ago with my last relationship I knew I could no longer be involved with that person. I sought prayer by an elder in the church and that person was gone from out of my life not even a week later. Although I knew it was a good thing, I was so sad and I even prayed and fasted for 5 days praying that God could bring him back. During this time, my prayers went from praying for him to God please don’t let me remain like this. I mean I was in my room crying, yelling, and pleading with God. Well after some months went by I went to a women’s retreat for only two hours. When I got there I felt God hug me and when the speaker told us to get up and pray I did and these words came from out of my mouth “Lord thank you for my singleness”. I would have never said those words on my own. Then I left the retreat and felt God’s presence with me for the next three days. When I got home, on the first day God gave me understanding as I stood in front of my fireplace. What I received from God is that I did not have a desire to be married but that desired had me. In Genesis 4:6-7 explains how sin is just waiting at the door to over power you but you have to over power it. I had become so obsessed with the thought of marriage that I allowed it to bring me into one bad relationship after another while continuing to sin against God. From that first day of the retreat I have not been in a relationship since and I am content with that. Lord set me free. I can not even remember what the year was of my last relationship.
Money troubles.
If you are a parent married you already understand that money can be tight but it is great when you have a spouse to lean on. As single parents with a single income this is very hard. Plus you have no companion that is walking though this journey with you. Yes, you may have friends and family but it is not the same. Many times I have borrow money from banks just to get my daughter a bike for her birthday. Anything besides paying bills, was major. All this borrowing and overspending left me with a lot of debt that I am still paying back. Now I understand that it would have been better to just stay in my lane. I should have just explained to my daughter how our finances really was.
Learning to stay focus.
So how do we deal with these real struggles. I mean it is definitely easier said than done, right. My number one major help was seeking God. After those years of falling into Satan’s trap, I finally cried out to God. That moment showed me not to trust my thoughts all the time. Sometimes we may think something is a good and a right thing but we need to bring it under the light of God’s word. In proverbs 3:5-6, Its explains how we should lean not on our own understanding but instead we need to bring God into our daily tasks and decisions, so He can give us the best paths to take. Now that I am older I have learned to seek wisdom from God and I do not have to go into debt over things I really can not afford. It is better for me to teach my child about what really matters which is family and about having a relationship with the Lord.
Things to do to help you stay focus as a singe parent.
Read the word of God. As you read God’s word it can help you understand what is really important and how to fight temptation. It is important to treat your relationship with Jesus like a marriage because that’s really what it is. So when you have this mindset you will love your Savior and do what it takes to protect your relationship with Him.
Disconnect from things that have a bad influence on you. Social media is definitely something that can cause us to live our lives in a competitive way. There are so many people posting every “interesting” moment and this can mess with your mind. I encourage you to distance yourself from those things if they are causing you to feel like you have to keep up with someone else’s life. Also we may have to end relationships that are not helping us to be a responsible parent. I know many parents who are so quick to drop their child off to whomever will take them, all for the sake of partying. Its like these parents forget that their children have feeling too. So be mindful of your relationships and your influences.
Stay in your lane. It is important to work on what is available to you which is yourself and your child/ children. After those failed relationships I work on my degree and my certification. I made sure that I taught my daughter God’s word and we enjoy each other’s time together. We played games, went to the park, looked at movies, and whatever else we could do together. I made sure our relationship was healthy and we stayed productive in a positive way.
Create a budget. A budget is very important. It will help you to be realistic and stay within a guideline so you can have less stress. I think a great idea which can teach your children about budgeting is to place your monthly budget and expenses on a board so you and your children can see it as well. This will help then understand why you have to live a modest life.
In order to stay focus as single parents we first need to partner with our creator. He loves and cares for us all, even when we have children that out of wedlock. He loves us very much and sees our hardship, so seek Him. Next we have to be proactive when dealing with our surroundings. Remember you have a child now so your life’s focus should not only be on you. So be picky about what influences you allow in your life. Next work on yourself and your child. Invest in yourself, your child’s well being, and your relationship with your child. Lastly, create a budget so you can stay within your financial guidelines and share your budget with your child. This can teach them as well to develop a realistic and healthy relationship money.
Thank you so much for joining today! I hope this post has inspired you, challenged you, and of course encouraged you. Down below will be a free print out to remind of today’s topic. Please like👍, subscribe, share, and comment. Enjoy the rest of your day and bye for now👋!
–Kenya😊
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